Video – Don’t Go to War Over a Preference!
My second wife threatened to divorce me.
It was one of the best things that ever happened to me
– but not for why you think!
In the 7th chapter of my book, Find the Upside of the Down Times, I talk about my relationship with my wife Clair who passed away a few years ago (that’s chapter 8!) Anyway, early in our relationship, Clair started to notice little things I did that made her uncomfortable. Well, they seemed like little things to me!
Here is one example. I would usually get up first in the morning to take a shower. I would turn on the water, push a button to get the water to flow up to the shower nozzle, let it run until it got hot, and hold my hand in the water until it was the right temperature. Then I would get in, take my shower, and turn the water off.
Clair would get up later to take a bath. (Can you see it coming?) She would lean into the tub, holding her hand under the spigot to test the temperature, turn on the water, and get splashed in the head from the shower. She would scream, “Rob!” And I would respond, “Well, Clair, don’t stick your head in there!” She would say, “You never do it my way. You don’t care about what I want,” and I would respond, “That has nothing to do with it. It’s just a shower!” This would go on, day after day.
There were lots of other little things. At least I thought they were little. I didn’t squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. I squeezed it in the middle. I put the toilet paper on backwards whenever I remembered to replace it at all. At least she said it was backwards. Of course, I also left the toilet seat up. I’m a guy!
There is more to this story in my book but below is a 23 minute video tape of a talk I gave recently where I talk about these types of challenges, both small and big, in this relationship. I explore how important it is to know what we require that is not negotiable or debatable in a relationship, because everything else is just a preference. And you don’t go to war over a preference!
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